Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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