Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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