I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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