I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Sober January is a disaster.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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