i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
