There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
