I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize