Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
