they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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