I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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