singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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