My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
