cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
