i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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