You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
