I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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