Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
