he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
