Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
