i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
