I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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