i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
