I just made out with a guy for $7.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
