but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
