sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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