Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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