Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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