Betty ford says i'm here all night
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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