I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
