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I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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