i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
