the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
