Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Pants are for mortals
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
