no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he was CRYING into my vagina
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
