i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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