you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
