i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
