Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
