he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
