i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
