I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
should my penis look like a turkey
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
