Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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