I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize