i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
BRING THE BAGELS
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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