My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
should my penis look like a turkey
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
