So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
