Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize