he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
