lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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