we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize