i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
