The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
