I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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