So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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