take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dear god my vagina.
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