he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
