we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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