What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i dont even know how to be here
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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