The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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