My room smells like vodka and shame
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
