I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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