grandma shit on top of the toilet
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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