DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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