and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
