Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
