why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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