we're chasing vodka with high fives
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
