If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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