I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
