I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you never un-have a 4some
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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