five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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