I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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