we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
