he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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