the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
