how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
