I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
