I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The Olympian is in my bed
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize