if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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