Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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